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Dixie Longate Warms Up in Stowe, VT

by Gaycation Magazine

by Gregory Kiep

Dixie Longate, your favorite red-haired tupperware lady is headed to Stowe, Vermont for gay ski weekend Winter Rendezvous! We were lucky enough to get her on the phone for a few moments to ask her about her show up there and to see what she has been up to recently! Stay tuned for some great pics from the weekend in the next few weeks!

What have you been up to, Dixie?

Well, so many people know me because of my tupperware parties. I travel all over hell and back making sure that people’s food stooge needs are met.  But every once in awhile, I get to take a little break and have some fun.  Sometimes I have to see my kids because the law sets that as a “must” which is a giant pain in my ass, but if I don’t check in, then I might gotta wear that ankle bracelet again which don’t match nothing in my closet and kinks my back up all funny because then I favor the other foot and then my hips start angling the wrong way and my neck gets to bothering me and it is a just a whole big hassle, so I avoid that by making sure I do other things while I am on vacation that end up taking me away from my kids.  Then the law can’t say nothing about it because I am working and I don’t have to see my kids for another couple of weeks.  See, I’m smart like that.

Stowe, Vermont sounds cold. How will you stay warm while you are there?

I have already packed my big furry muff.  I stick my hands in my muff and that keeps me from getting all frigid with the bad weather.  And my muff is big enough that you could stick your hands in it too if you was cold.  There is always room inside my big furry muff.  See, I’m a giver.   Plus, I probably will eat that warm cheese fondue that you always see people eating as ski lodges in movies that were shot in the 70’s.  And that just looks warm and yummy when I’m watching it in a movie so I imagine that it will keep me real toasty when I do it in real life.

Dixie LongateDo you ski?

I don’t so much ski as I fall down a lot.  But that is how you learn and grow, right?  The more you fall down,  the more you are likely to do one of two things.  Either 1) get back up, dust yourself off and drink some vodka, or 2) swear a lot, roll back and forth in extreme pain, attract the attention of a handsome skier to come to your aid, and then ask for his vodka.  So either way, you are ending with the same great result.  Provided you like vodka.  Otherwise, skiing is a bitch.

We are all about traveling at Gaycation Magazine. Have you ever been on a “gaycation?”

I have done a bunch of them.  I have been so lucky to work with Atlantis Events and have done over 40 cruises and resorts with them since 2004.  And I have met the most wonderful homosectionals on the cruises.  They are all so neighborly and well dressed and they smell like glitter.  And then when they hug me, they get me to smelling all nice and wearing glitter as well but they ain’t even trying and it just happens.  That’s why I love the homosectionals.  They hardly even have to try to be nice and you completely believe that they are.  Not like Carrie Carmichael how lives about 3 stop lights away that place that I sometimes park my camper, on again/off again, near her trailer and then she accuses me of stealing her power which I hardly ever did but that one time and she really should be more of a christian and stop judging me so badly because IF, and I repeat IF, that actually happened, for which there is no photographic evidence, IF I accidentally unplugged her trailer from the hook ups so that I could accidentally use those same hook ups to power mine because I was low on power and my toilet was backing up, then I am sorry and she needs to be more Christ-like and stop judging me.  See, that’s what I love about gay people.  They hardly never accuse you of doing stuff like that.  Mostly because they are all smart enough to not live in  a trailer park. I hope that I get to go on more of them gay-cations.  They just sound extra more fun when I’m saying it in my own mouth right now.

Just for fun …

If you were to star in a Disney movie, what would it be?

I guess I would be the Little Mermaid.  Mostly because I have red hair, a large collection of crap that I have found under the crawl space of my motor home which now lives in the storage shed, and because I too have ended up face down in a puddle of water with laryngitis, trying to breathe after finding a hot guy with a dog at night.  But I guess everyone has, right?   Just ask your mama.

What song best describes how you think about life?

I have always liked the Eagles, “Take It To the Limit.”  It sort of is a sad anthem but a call to make your life better all at the same time.  It makes me wanna cry like crazy, but then go out there and kick the ass of the first person I see.  It super charges me that way. When I listen to it, I end up crying for about 20 minutes and then I want to find a trucker to have sex with for the better part of the month.

How are you going to entertain those guys and gals in Stowe next weekend?

I am going to share some funny stories with them and some rants about things that really piss me off.  I’m going to talk to some of them and bring them up on the stage to talk to me.  I’m going to ask some questions and let some people maybe ask me questions and at the end of the night, we hopefully all will have laughed and learned a little about ourselves.  Then we are going to all pretend like it is the 70’s and go out and eat fondue by a giant fire. If that ain’t enough to make for a great evening, I don’t know what is.  That doesn’t involve a trampoline and some double-A batteries.

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